Miscarriage unfolds differently for each of us. One day you were pregnant, then you weren’t. You have an empty womb, and your arms will be empty when the time comes that your baby would have been born.
Responses are individual: relief, devastation, grief, anger, depression, disbelief, numbness, guilt…. there is not one, correct way to walk this path. You will probably experience a roller coaster of emotions. You may have trouble sleeping, fatigue, loss of appetite and anything you feel will be intensified by the hormonal changes. The emotional impact may take longer to heal than the physical; give yourself time, love and gentleness.
If you have a partner, remember that men will often grieve differently from women. Women tend to be more expressive, and seek support from others where men are more action-oriented, gathering facts and problem solving. He may bury himself in work and busy himself with tasks, but this doesn’t mean he’s not grieving.
It can be difficult to think clearly in the midst of loss, and I hope that this article can be helpful to you as you explore your options to complete the miscarriage. The stages are based on Susan Weed’s steps of healing, and can be used in many situations.
Step 0 – Do nothing
Stillness. Prayer. Meditation. Openness. Mindfulness. Presence. Just be with what is happening, allow the feelings. Avoid judgements, labels or opinions. This time is for you to just be.
Step 1 – Information
Collect information from wherever you can; facts and figures are good, but listen to your dreams and intuition. What are they telling you? Talk to others who have had similar experiences. Talk to the important women in your life. Know the people you can turn to, and turn to them.
Step 2 – Engage the energy
Often just a subtle shift in energy can change our path to healing. Prayer, meditation, visualisations, a hug from someone we love, a smile from a friend, a long walk in nature. Changing our focus can give us the strength we need: adopting a practice of gratitude for instance, looking at the positives will give an emotional shift that will be reflected in the physical. Just as we need to give loved ones permission to let go at the end of life, tell your baby that it’s okay for them to let go. Other times the baby is ready to leave, but it is us that is holding them back from doing so.
In this stage you might also try gentle remedies, such as homoeopathy and Bach flower remedies or therapeutic touch, such as Mizan Therapy, reflexology, yoga.
Step 3 – Nourish and tonify
Nourish yourself, nourish your body, nourish your mind and nourish your spirit. Nourish every part of you, all that is you. Love yourself, and show that love in any form of self care that makes you feel special.
Step 4 – Stimulate and sedate
At this stage, you may want to explore the possibility of using therapies to stimulate or sedate the body. Large doses of vitamin C, herbs such as parsley if the pregnancy is still very early, blue and black cohosh. Mizan therapy and vaginal steaming; acupuncture, cupping are other possibilities.
Step 5 – Supplements and drugs
This includes stronger herbs that contain standardised extracts and high dilution homoeopathics from a homoeopath. Medical professionals may use synthetic drugs to help your body complete a miscarriage.
Step 6 – Break and enter
This stages includes surgery such as D & C and only you can make the decision if it is what you want. You need to decide if the benefits outweigh the risks. It may be the right decision for you, at this time, or it may not.
There is no correct length of time to spend in each stage; there are no right or wrong decisions. This must be led by you, it is your journey. Only you can choose what is right for you, only you can choose the path.
Blessings and healing to you.